Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
