she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
