Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
