Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
