How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He better not be in your backpack
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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