wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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