Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize