Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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