I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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