Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
