i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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