i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
