Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
