GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
