shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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