you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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