Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
