Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
