my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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