I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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