he puts the penis in happiness.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
