I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
