so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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