Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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