K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Holy sore nipples Batman
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
