this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
