i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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