i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
