No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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