we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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