Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
