its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
