You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
