I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
