He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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