I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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