My liver just broke up with me...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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