yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize