so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
