were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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