Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
