Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
