Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
