He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
