Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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