ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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