I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
