You're my little dorito
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
