once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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