to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
