So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
