Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
