the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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