Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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