Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
