My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just puked most of my soul out..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
