They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize