so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
