how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
