so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
