In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
