Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
