I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
