You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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