I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
