watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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