Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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