He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
