I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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