Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
