I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
